Every Which Way on Green
By Kian Mokhtari
“The Israeli military is preparing itself to launch a massive aerial assault on Iran's nuclear facilities within days of being given the go-ahead by its new government,” said Times Online in an editorial by Sheena Frenkel on Saturday. And in reaction the entire Iranian population has stormed the Tehran Stock Exchange.
A total scene of chaos dominated Tehran Stock Exchange’s vicinity and the sheer aggression demonstrated by the hundreds of thousands lining up to buy shares even made the British police look docile.
It took many hours for the police to bring the situation under some kind of control but calm is not likely to return for several days.
It has transpired that the Iranian public is refusing to accept statements by the Tehran Stock Exchange officials that it does not sell shares in a number of foreign companies.
In the spring sunshine of Tehran the crowds began chanting “we shall not be moved.”
Others held up placards reading “rags to riches, now.”
At a time when one would expect anyone in their right minds to be making for air raid shelters the Iranian public’s reaction has left government officials absolutely astounded. Such blatant attempts at profiteering from possible war, run totally contrary to the Iranian culture and Islamic teachings.
Man officials are already attributing suchy blatant and shameless displays of public greed on satellite television. They say Western influence has quite obviously found its way into every living room for Iranians to behave as such; especially at a time when Iranian government’s sound economic policies have spared Iran the worst of the global recession and at least there are no riots for food and shelter here, like there are in Europe and the US.
According to The Times article one senior Israeli defense official says, “Israel wants to know that if its forces were given the green light they could strike at Iran in a matter of days, even hours. They are making preparations on every level for this eventuality. The message to Iran is that the threat is not just words.”
But back at Tehran Stock Exchange everybody we talked to seemed to have taken the threat seriously, so what were they doing trying to buy shares in such dangerous atmosphere?
The truth was finally uncovered!
It transpired that Hezbollah website had been the guilty party. It had let the “cat out of the bag” that Israeli soldiers, sailors and airmen wear standard issue nappies before they go into battle.
You know many wondered why Israeli soldiers returning from Lebanon in 2006, after having encountered the Hezbollah commandoes, were wearing such baggy combat trousers.
And so it became clear that the Iranian public has crowded the Tehran Stock Exchange to buy shares in Israeli nappy factories. An Iranian shuffling for place in one of the long lines outside the bourse said, “We reckon with the Israeli army’s demand for nappies their factory share prices will go through the roof.”
He added “I am willing to donate some of the money I’ll stand to make to the reconstruction of Gaza.”
And finally on a serious note, making military threats against another country is illegal under Article II of the UN Charter. But Israel has already more than demonstrated its total disregard and lack of respect for laws that govern the international community.
Israeli leaders have either gone completely mad or in their sheer frustration at not being able to tie their nappies on, have overlooked a minor detail called: repercussions of a military attack against the Islamic Republic.